#1: I can wallow in pity. I can lament to God that He broke my heart in the wrong season of life. I can pray and wish that these next four years go by lightning fast.
OR
#2: I can recognize this time of my life for what it is--a time of preparation.
Maybe God needs me to mature a little more, maybe He needs to grow my leadership skills, or to teach me how to better handle adversity. I'm not going to pretend that I know all of the lessons God needs to teach me still, but, then again, would it be a time of growing if I did? I have to let Him prepare me. I have to be willing to submit to His sovereign plans, not be so easily bent by my fickle human whims and impatience.
What's more, God hasn't placed me in an empty desert with no one to share His love with. A.J. has mentioned to me, "There are people in America who need help too; even America has orphans." He always gives me a good perspective check :)
Pridefully and wrongfully, I had gotten the idea in my head that sharing Jesus' love gives "extra-points" if it's done overseas. As difficult for this is for me to admit, I think a part of me just wanted to be a "Jesus-super hero" like Katie. I thought that my calling was to overseas medical missions with orphans (which I still think is, just not in this season of life). For this moment, my job is to love the people God puts around me, right here. I can be a Jesus-super hero here, for God's glory, not mine.
All this doesn't necessarily mean that the waiting has gotten way easier; like I said earlier, heartache doesn't go away in hours, days, or months. Trust me, I'm living it, but I can get rid of my pitiful lament of the last blog post, and swap it for a new prayer:
"Abba Father, thank you for this time of waiting. I know You have placed a heavy burden on my heart for orphans and the oppressed, but I also know You've given me a time to pour into some lives right where I am. I'm ready and willing for You to grow me in this season of life. I pray that I'll willingly accept this growth."
Kay-bird, you are too precious! The same fire for Jesus that burns in my heart, burns in yours too. When He sets your soul on fire, you can't help but want to share it with people. Like that Britt Nicole song says, "I wanna set the world on fire until it's burning bright for You." Let it burn, girlfriend, let it burn :) I L-O-V-E-Y-O-U!
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